A Healthy Suspicion

We have suspicions about all kinds of things, and these scrutinizing thoughts sometimes protect us from legitimately harmful encounters and situations – an unlit empty street is probably not a good place to go for a run by myself late at night; a 2 am infomercial that promises to triple my income while working from home part-time shouldn’t prompt me to immediately quit my current job. At other times our suspicions are rooted in unfounded fears, insecurities, and past disappointments. We often let these kinds of suspicions steer us away from taking positive risks (It’s a good job offer, but I might fail), helping someone in legitimate need (this is an inconvenient request that I will end up regretting), or experiencing meaningful relationships (I’ve been hurt in the past – better to stay away).

All of us face challenges in sorting through which of our suspicions about life’s decisions, encounters, and relationships are valid as we seek to grow in wisdom and discernment. What about being suspicious about ourselves? How often are we suspicious of our own reactions, opinions, and motives? Certainly, there is a danger in self-scrutiny that can put us in a crippling state of self-doubt and paralyzing indecisiveness. But consider the following verses of scripture:

"So I find it to be a law that when I want to do right, evil lies close at hand.  For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? ²⁵ Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my mind, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin.” (Rom 7:21-25)

“For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do.” (Gal 5:17)

“What causes quarrels and what causes fights among you? Is it not this, that your passions are at war within you? You desire and do not have, so you murder. You covet and cannot obtain, so you fight and quarrel’ . . . Or do you suppose it is to no purpose that the Scripture says, ‘He yearns jealously over the spirit that he has made to dwell in us?’” (James 4:1-2, 5)

In each of these passages we see the Lord’s gracious plan to bless us and transform us through the gospel of Christ so we may fully delight in Him, have our deepest desires fulfilled, to receive His mercy, and to experience peace and love in our relationships. Yet in each of these passages there is a common hindrance to the work of the Spirit in our lives, and it isn’t bad circumstances, missed opportunities, or frustrating people. It is our flesh, that is our old nature, which is our primary enemy seeking to resist and repel the work of the Spirit in our lives to bring us peace and joy in our relationships.  Our flesh manifests this opposition to the Gospel in too many ways to count.  In scripture this is described as “enmity, jealousy, strife, fits of anger,” to mention a few.  Here is a common every day example:

James and Lauren are a married couple. Socially James is more introverted, but Lauren loves socializing and plans many Saturday night evenings together with other couples without consulting James. This frustrates James because he feels uncomfortable making conversation with others, especially if he doesn’t know them well. Consequently, James doesn’t enjoy his Saturdays because even though they aren’t going over to their friend’s house until 6:00 that night, he’s thinking about it all day. He’s unable to enjoy and stay in the moment of the things he ordinarily loves – working in the yard, playing with his kids, biking with Lauren – because he’s dreading having to go over to his friend’s house. As James broods all day, he becomes more anxious about the evening, more resentful that he can’t enjoy his Saturday, and increasingly angry at Lauren for not consulting with him before she made these plans. Lauren thinks they are having a great Saturday together and is excitedly getting ready, when seemingly out of nowhere James angrily explodes at Lauren for ruining his day off and never consulting him about any of their social plans. Lauren is taken back by his outburst, but replies that he complains every time she makes plans, and that he ends up enjoying himself by the end of the night. She considers it better off not to tell him ahead of time so as to avoid his negative complaining.  James angrily accuses her of being deceitful and that he would never do that to her, and the spiral begins.

It is true that Lauren could have consulted with James about their invite earlier in the week.  But James can’t control whether Lauren does this adequately or not. More importantly this is an opportunity for James to slow his initial reaction and become “suspicious” of himself in a healthy way, rather than choosing to obscure this by blaming Lauren, becoming defensive and resistant to her perspective, and justifying his anger toward her. 

The Lord wants to move into James life and create a more peaceful and loving relationship with Lauren.  But because James is rehearsing his anxious and resentful thoughts repeatedly throughout the day, his old nature has the most influence over his thoughts and emotions. Being suspicious of these thoughts and emotions could help James. If, for example, James were suspicious of his anxious thoughts earlier in the day and questioned whether his worries were valid or coming from a good place, he might disarm a little bit of the emotional certainty he has that he is in for a miserable night. Another healthy suspicion would be for James to question whether Lauren’s neglect to inform him of their plans was more impactful on their relationship than his attacking Lauren’s character.  James might soften toward Lauren and be more open to the work of the Spirit guiding him to respond to her with more humility, admitting he sometimes makes it difficult for her to enjoy friendships with other couples. 

Author Dave Harvey recommends forming the habit in any conflict of suspecting and inspecting yourself before ever bringing up anything about the other person, “To be suspicious of my own heart is to acknowledge two things: that my heart has a central role in my behavior, and that my heart has a permanent tendency to oppose God and his ways.” This will be difficult to sustain unless we are suspicious of ourselves through the lens of Christ’s love for us in the Gospel. 

Tim Keller explains, “In the gospel the knowledge of our acceptance in Christ makes it easier to admit we are flawed (because we know we won’t be cast off if we confess the true depths of our sinfulness). Our hope is in Christ’s righteousness, not our own—so it is not so traumatic to admit our weaknesses and lapses. In religion we repent less and less often. But the more accepted and loved in the gospel we feel, the more and more often we will be repenting. And though of course there is always some bitterness in any repentance, in the gospel there is ultimately a sweetness. This creates a radical new dynamic for personal growth. The more you see your own flaws and sins, the more precious, electrifying, and amazing God’s grace appears to you. But on the other hand, the more aware you are of God’s grace and acceptance in Christ, the more you able you are to drop your denials and self- defenses and admit the true dimensions of your sin.”

If we cultivate a “healthy suspicion” about our reflexive thoughts and emotions, we actually open ourselves more and more to the work of the Lord in our lives, and grow in our discernment as to when we are thinking and acting more from the fleshly old nature.  We can become more open to God’s gracious work in us, even when it feels uncomfortable or painful. And for the record, I’m James!